All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
