i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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