Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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