So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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