All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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