I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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