Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
