Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sober January is a disaster.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
