They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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