literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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