I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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