We're like a lot better than the average bears
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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