i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
