my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
