She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
