he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think your dad took our porno
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
