Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
