Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Couch. On fire.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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