She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
