So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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