u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think i peed on brittanys purse
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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