What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
