the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My life is pants optional.
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