I showed him my bush... on skype.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
