now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
