Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
