I think my vagina is haunted
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
