that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
