How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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