I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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