i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
