i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i need some magic done to my vagina
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