Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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