He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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