Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
