North Korea, Best Korea!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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