yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
