So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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