I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
