I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
