I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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