My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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