I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
