how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
