Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
