So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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