Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize