They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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