she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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