I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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