I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
