tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
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I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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