you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
