At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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