I just saw a hot homeless man
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
