she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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