why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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