man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
