nut hugger
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
