she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
