Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
