she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
