you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
