Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
