i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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