p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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