I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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