Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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