Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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