I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
