There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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