why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
