Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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