I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
