This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
