Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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