We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
