If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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