Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
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I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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