The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
