I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
