I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
