Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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