i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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