I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
