Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
